Monstrous Madness: Scary Region
(1) Beholder 92%
vs. Beholder 67%
(8) Chuul 8%
vs. Beholder 64%
(5) Lich 58%
vs. Lich 33%
(4) Githyanki 42%
BEHOLDER
(3) Drow 41%
vs. Yuan-Ti 54%
(6) Yuan-Ti 59%
vs. Yuan-Ti
(7) Death Knight 47%
vs. Tarrasque 46%
(2) Tarrasque 53%
Regional Notes: Widely touted as the toughest bracket of the four, the Scary Region has a huge number of strong contenders. The big question: Will the winner of this region have the energy left to take out their Final Four foes?
Regional Final Results and Commentary
April 5: Beholder 64%, Yuan-Ti 36%
The
yuan-ti's improbable run in the tournament finally came to an end at the hands,
er, eyes of the beholder. Ultimately, this contest boiled down to the beholder's
sheer killing power. Draconis Azure pointed out that "beauty is in the eye of
the beholder, but the rest of the party is in its stomach." A voter with the
enigmatic name of ONSITETEL described the following all-too-common situations:
"An adventurer opens a door to find a beholder and thinks, 'Man, I knew I should
have prepared death ward for the day' . . . then he dies. An adventurer
who finds a yuan-ti thinks 'Hey! New boots!' " And Mike Selinker put it even
more plainly: "I spy with my central eye something beginning with . . .
disintegrated." The beholder advances to the Final Four.
Round Two Results and Commentary
March 31: Beholder 67%, Lich 33%
Once again, the undead couldn't stand up to the withering, uh, virility, of the living. Despite naysayers such as James Wyatt ("I might have a character become a lich someday. I just want the beholder for the end of my car antenna."), the eleven-eyed sphere of death walloped the lich big-time. No doubt the lich couldn't even get a spell in edgewise, and the beholder just zapped and munched his way to victory. The "Swiss Army Knife" of monsters (thanks, Eric Cagle) advances to the Regional Championship match, where it takes on the yuan-ti.
March 29: Yuan-Ti 54%, Tarrasque 46%
The
horde of crafty snake-men eked out another close-fought upset victory over
the the one and only Tarrasque. The outcome was foretold by Wolfgang Baur, who
pictured "a swarm of yuan-ti eating the tarrasque one snake-sized nibble at a
time," as well as by artist/game designer Stan! (see illustration). The
tarrasque fans were vocal in their support of the King-Sized Kolossus. Speaking
for the Titan of Terror was Brent Karsten, who relayed this nugget: "Um . . .
OK, so I only get up once a year, but DAMN do I trash a lot of stuff." Wesley
Fitzsimmons was similarly effusive, if perhaps a bit enigmatic, in supporting
the Dervish of Destruction: "Tarrasque was by far my favorite of the Cirque du
Soleil shows." Dunno, Wes--I didn't buy it when they "randomly" pulled the
70-foot-long, 130-ton audience member out for the opening stunt.
Round One Results and Commentary
March 25: Yuan-Ti 59%, Drow 41%
As expected, this
was a pretty close contest. A few late-voting snake fans made for a slightly
wider margin than most of the day had indicated. The drow had plenty of . . .
emotional . . . supporters, from Peter Goeders (who called the dark elves "just
so cute") to John T. Wright (who described them perhaps a bit vociferously as
"Elfin leather bondage babes!"). In contrast, the yuan-ti supporters employed
more logical methods to justify their vote. Troy Fisher asked, "Come on, which
would you rather have in your pants? An elf afraid of the dark? Or a smart,
go-getting evil snake? I'll take the snake any day." Good to know, Troy.
Wolfgang Baur delivered perhaps the ultimate anti-drow diss, claiming that the
NYT-bestselling drow were "too focused on the bling to win. What's next, a drow
sneaker deal? Yuan-ti still have street cred." Way to represent, Wolf.
(Thanks to Stan! for the artwork, even if
he didn't manage to correctly guess the outcome of the contest.)
March 18: Beholder 92%, Chuul 8%
The first uncontested victory in the Scary Region wasn't much of a surprise, as, in the words of Mike Selinker, the beholder needed "only one eyebeam set to 'Melted Butter' to take care this crabman knockoff." The only question in Gwendolyn Kestrel's mind was "whether we end up with a pile of chuul dust, a dead chuul, or a chuul statue." The final result proved the truth of that immortal homily, "Two Eyes Good, Eleven Eyes Better." (Michele Carter) The beholder is scheduled to meet the lich in Round Two.
March 17: Tarrasque 53%, Death Knight 47%
"Go go Godzilla...I mean tarrasque." (Michele Carter)
The Scary Region witnessed another close battle on Wednesday, as the dreaded tarrasque pulled out a narrow victory over the death knight. While many applauded the tarrasque's forthright style--Greg Collins called it "a force of nature" and compared it to infamous world-eater Galactus--other voters scoffed at the tarrasque's overgrown physique, calling it "a mockery of what the toughest monster ever would look like" (Wolfgang Baur) or a "triceratops on steroids" (Jeff & Naomi), or, in perhaps the ultimate insult, "the Tigger of D&D" (Jeff Grubb). Christopher Smith even lobbed a charge of selection committee malfeasance, claiming that the tarrasque got its seed "on reputation alone....how can I vote for a monster that's only active for a few weeks at a time?" One supporter of the undead competitor, John T. Wright, claimed that "death knights are what githyanki want to be when they grow up." Well, John, now they can both share in the shame of defeat, for as Gwendolyn Kestrel put it: "There can be only one!"
March 16: Lich 58%, Githyanki 42%
The githyanki kept this contest close until the waning hours of voting, when a wave of pro-lich voters cast their ballots in favor of the competitor who really earned its skull-face. Voter Greg Collins had this to say about the "too kewl for skewl" denizen of the Astral Plane: "The githyanki is a fanboy's wet dream...all kooky and crazy and super-evil and a total badass. Let's give them super-powerful swords! And let's make them ride red dragons! C'mon, where's the drama? Gimme the lich every day of the week, and twice on Sunday." Jeff Saccomano was more to the point: "Phylactery is just such a cool word."