Monstrous Madness: Fuzzy Region
(1) Minotaur 79%
vs. Minotaur 48%
(8) Formian 21%
vs. Gnoll 43%
(5) Bugbear 49%
vs. Gnoll 52%
(4) Gnoll 51%
DISPLACER BEAST
(3) Owlbear 80%
vs. Owlbear 35%
(6) Shirokinokatsukami 20%
vs. Displacer Beast 57%
(7) Giant Space Hamster 49%
vs. Displacer Beast 65%
(2) Displacer Beast 51%
Regional Notes: Generally regarded as the weakest of the four brackets, this region is really up for grabs. Most analysts see the second-round matchups as epitomizing brain vs. brawn, craftiness against sheer muscle.
Regional Final Results and Commentary
April 5: Displacer Beast 57%, Gnoll 43%
In
the end, the closest regional final yet really did boil down, as Seth Spencer
suggested, to whether you were "a cat person or a dog person." Fans of the
feisty feline won out over, uh, the dog people. But can you imagine a world
where these two creatures actually coexisted peacefully? Dogs and cats, living
together? Mass hysteria, I tells ya!
Ahem. We leave you with Michele Carter's thought-provoking verse lauding this contest's winner:
Never where it stands
A fury of fang and claw
Noble, savage cat!
Round Two Results and Commentary
March 31: Displacer Beast 65%, Owlbear 35%
The panther with tentacles beat the bear with a beak. Craig Mackey voted for the owlbear, and noted that "his family will be proud: lionfish, snakebear, owlmonkey, sharkbear, owltree, mushroombear, owlvirus, etc." Others weren't as generous. Matt Baskett asked, "How can you vote for a cross between 'Only you can prevent forest fires' and 'Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute'?" Good question, Matt. Jesse Decker put it more plainly: "I don't know what I'd do to make bears more scary, but it certainly wouldn't involve owls." Maybe a bear with tentacles is more up Jesse's alley.
March 26: Gnoll 52%, Minotaur 48%
The Fuzzy Region witnessed its first upset of the tournament as the gnoll won its second razor-thin victory in as many contests. Jeff Grubb sang the praises of these dogfaces: "The gnoll is D&D born and bred, its hyena-headed muzzle first rearing in the Monster Manual and wielding its flind bars into the future. The gnoll is D&D--Go Fuzzy!" Chris Smith, on the other hand, waxed philosophical about the gnoll's defeated foe. "If you wave a red cloth at them, must they charge at you? Can I yell 'Ole!' if I successfully dodge? These are all important questions." Yes, Chris, right up there with 'If you prick them, do they not bleed?' In the end, the gnoll rode to victory with the cry of Wolfgang Baur ringing in its ears: "Yeenoghu! Yeenoghu! Ia ia Yenoghu fhtagn!"
Round One Results and Commentary
March 23: Owlbear 80%, Shirokinokatsukami 20%
Despite possessing parts of at least eight different identifiable creatures, the shirokinokatsukami was unable to unseat the fan-favorite owlbear. Whether the shirokinokatsukami's hybrid upon hybrid approach proved unsettling to voters, or whether they just got tired of reading before reaching the end of its multisyllabic moniker, the result was the same: The owlbear became the fourth and final favored seed to advance to the second round of the Fuzzy Region. Perhaps the shirokinokatsukami's obligatory pre-combat "polite offer" proved its undoing, as the bestial owlbear took the opportunity for a cheap shot. One thing's for certain: I'm glad I won't have to keep typing shirokino...katsu...oh, I give up, my fingers hurt.
March 22: Minotaur 79%, Formian 21%
Though the antlike formian had some emotional supporters, ultimately it couldn't stand against the mythological master of the labyrinth. Peter Goeders put it succinctly: "Formian + Chocolate = Snack." And a tasty snack it was, Peter. Greg Collins admitted that the only reason he voted formian was "because just once, I want my DM to say "the city has been taken over -- conquered, if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." Uh, sure, Greg, whatever you say. Speaking of movie cliches, I'm sure that Wolfgang Baur wasn't the only one who wondered, "How the heck did 1950s monster movie ants wind up in the 'Fuzzy' Bracket?" Well, Wolf, there's a fine and reasonable answer for that, but we've run out of space. Maybe we'll get to that next time!
March 18: Displacer Beast 50.5%, Giant Space Hamster 49.5%
An upset of dire proportions was avoided as the displacer beast won the closest matchup yet in our competition. Perhaps the displacer beast was already looking ahead to its second-round matchup, but regardless of the reason, the result was a nail-biter of epic proportions. Ever the lovable underdog, the giant space hamster pulled many a heartstring among our voters:
"One vote for Giant, one vote for Space and one vote for Hamster, please!" (Yariv Yanay)
"Yes, one order of giant, carnivorous, invisible, two-headed, ethereal, flying, lernaean, bombardier, fire-breathing, phase, armor-plated space hamster, please." (John T. Wright)
"Squee! Hamsters fierce and hamsters bold! People wrote sonnets to Dragon about the Giant Space Hamster. That alone should tell you... something." (Wolfgang Baur)
"Yeah, just like the Cubs, everyone's surprised to see [the giant space hamster] in the post-season except us true believers. We're not going to have to 'wait till next year!'" (Andrew Morris)
Alas, but it wasn't to be, as victory was cruelly snatched away from this sentimental favorite. Of course, not everyone shared this opinion: "With the displacer beast, sometimes even when you're looking at it, you can't see it. With the space hamster, you just wish you couldn't see it." (Dr. Matthew Barron)
March 15: Gnoll 51%, Bugbear 49%
Voters were closely split on this 4-5 matchup in the Fuzzy Region. For some, it came down to the name of the losing contestant. While Miranda Horner claimed that “saying ‘bugbear’ is one of my favorite things to do,” Greg Collins couldn’t support the oddly monikered creature. “Maybe it’s the name. Why ‘bug’?” Ultimately, I wager, it came down to physical appearance. As wi1dfire blue put it, the gnoll “just looks cooler.”