Monstrous Madness: Flappy Region
(1) Red Dragon 86%
vs. Red Dragon 78%
(8) Gargoyle 14%
vs. Red Dragon 78%
(5) Nycaloth 31%
vs. Dracolich 22%
(4) Dracolich 69%
RED DRAGON
(3) Balor 81%
vs. Balor 65%
(6) Wyvern 19%
vs. Balor 22%
(7) Thri-Kreen 41%
vs. Pit Fiend 35%
(2) Pit Fiend 59%
Regional Notes: Another tough bracket, though perhaps not as strong top to bottom as the Scary Region. The possibility of a second-round matchup between Balor and Pit Fiend is intriguing.
Regional Final Results and Commentary
April 2: Red Dragon 78%, Balor 22%
Can any creature stand in the way of the red dragon's march to victory? So far, the answer is a resounding no. In its devastating march to the Final Four, "Big Red" has annihilated all competition, and the balor proved no more difficult to overcome than the others. Despite the fact that "they freakin' explode when you kill 'em" (Jesse Decker), the pinnacle of demonhood didn't stand a chance. As Cormac Russell aptly put it, "The balor may be the darkest evil, but the red dragon is destruction incarnate." Well, chalk up another victim of the fiery red wrecking machine, and make way for the second qualifier for the Final Four.
Round Two Results and Commentary
March 30: Red Dragon 78%, Dracolich 22%
The
voters have spoken: Out with the dead, in with the living. The dracolich just
couldn't stand up to the iconic glory of the red dragon. Indeed, the bony
contender took his share of gibes from the voters as well, including Eric
Cagle's description of it as "the Ally McBeal of the dragon world." Mike
Selinker recorded this conversation between the two competitors just before
tip-off: (Dracolich) "Didn't I used to be you?" (Red Dragon) "Didn't you used to
have a Constitution bonus?" Ouch, Mike, ouch. The red dragon advances to the
Elite Eight to meet its partner in chaotic-evilosity, the balor.
March 26: Balor 65%, Pit Fiend 35%
Sadly, this heavily hyped matchup didn't live up to its billing. Though early voting was close, the balor soon pulled away and left the pit fiend eating his chaotic evil dust. As Peter Goeders predicted, "Any creature that can date a six armed female with a snake body instead of legs should be able to handle himself in a 'fair fight'." Perhaps still tired from its surprisingly close battle with the thri-kreen, the pit fiend just couldn't muster a comeback. Instead, the balrog wanna-be advances to the Third Round, while the balrog wanna-be wanna-be goes crying back to Asmodeus.
Round One Results and Commentary
March 23: Pit Fiend 59%, Thri-Kreen 41%
In the closest fight yet of the Flappy Bracket, the heavily favored pit fiend held on against a late charge of thri-kreen fanatics to move on to a second-round contest against its archfoe, the balor. As predicted by Craig Mackey, the "flying can of whoop-ass that is the pit fiend wouldn't notice the thri-kreen unless he had to stop to clean the bug off his windshield. As his carcass was dragged off the playing field, all that could be heard from the poor thri-kreen was, "I'm not even supposed to be here!"
March 18: Dracolich 69%, Nycaloth 31%
The closest matchup yet in the Flappy Region was still a one-sided affair. Opinions vary as to whether this speaks ill for the depth of the region or simply is a testament to the strength of the favored seeds. Nonetheless, even as Wolf Baur lauded the nycaloth/nycadaemon's "old school" street cred, the nycaloth couldn't stand up to the winning combination of two of the most popular monster types in the game. As Jeff Grubb put it, "You got Undead in my Dragon! You got Dragon in my Undead! Two taste treats that go great together!" The dracolich must now prepare to face the red dragon in Round Two.
March 18: Balor 81%, Wyvern 19%
Another Flappy Region matchup, another blowout victory for the favorite. Though a few sentimental readers cast pity votes for the overmatched dragonling, this contest was never in doubt. A surprising number of voters cited the balor's physical appeal, describing it as "sexy" (Chris Smith) or "a morale leader [thanks to the] succubi on the cheerleading squad" (Gwendolyn Kestrel. Pedro Cruz took this perhaps one step too far, claiming that "You can't beat flaming whips." Mr. Cruz, in the future we at Monstrous Madness would prefer that your peccadilloes remain unknown to us, thank you.
March 16: Red Dragon 86%, Gargoyle 14%
In the first blowout of the competition, the red dragon crushed its opening-round opponent by a staggering margin. The outcome was never really in doubt--as Jeff Grubb put it, the gargoyle was merely "an airborne speedbump in the way of victory." Bobius22 predicted that there would be "fried gargoyle for lunch," and others chimed in with similar sentiments along that theme, calling the gargoyle "crunchy....a nice appetizer" (Gwendolyn Kestrel) or "just piles of slag" (Michele Carter). Greg Collins was even more dismissive, claiming that "red dragons have gall stones bigger than your normal gargoyle." Jeff Saccomano cast the first vote in favor of outright paranoia, claiming that "If [the red dragon] doesn't win, there must be an examination into some sneaky Illithid ballot stuffing." Ultimately, the most appropriate comment may have come from John T. Wright, who pointed out "It's not Dungeons and Gargoyles after all..."